Good thing we have PlotArmour*
Good thing we have PlotArmour*
Previous Chapter: Poll-Venture #2: The Golden Omelette [Chapter 20: A Journey Ends]
Chapter 11: Negotiations
Status: [4/1], Furry Aura
You cry out in surprise and fall backwards into the stream. The giant azure tree-creature just hangs there, straddling the two rock cliffs and glaring down at you with baleful red eyes. Cho is frozen in place a few meters in front of you, his eyes riveted to the beast. You don’t think you can beat this thing in battle, and you aren’t ready to let Cho die quite yet… which leaves one option: talk to it. Ever so slowly, you get to your feet and hold out your hand towards the blue monstrosity.
“We mean you no harm,” you say, trying to murder the quaver in your voice. “What do you want from us?”
The creature does not respond… with words, at least. You see a blur of motion, hear a whistling sound, and then you stare in confusion at the bloody stump where your right hand once was.
Status: [1/1], Lefty (You can only equip Artifacts with odd costs)
The Whistling Blade is now standing over you – until Cho starts running away behind it, and it leaps backwards with blinding speed and decapitates him with a single whistling swipe of its blade-arm. You watch in horror as the Panddo’s head is carried toward you by the current, the water turning red around it. The monster bends down and starts lapping up the diluted blood with a long red tongue, but all the while it is staring directly at you.
You dare not run, for you have now seen what will happen to you if you do. You just sit down in the stream and wait for death. But when the Whistling Blade is done drinking, it snatches you with its spindly non-blade arm and deposits you on the blue forest on its back instead of eating you for breakfast.
“…thaaaaaaaaat isssss whaaaaaaat I waaaaaaaanted…” The voice sounds like the whistling of the wind through the forest, and it takes you a second to realize that it originated from the Whistling Blade you are sitting on. “…death issss delllllicious…” You can’t think of an appropriate response, so you say nothing.
“…noooow, innn retuuurn, wheeere tooo, bossss?”
You find your voice at last. “Just get me out of these woods. Bring me to the Jade Gardens.”
Suddenly you are sliding backwards through the forest on the creature’s back as it starts moving with incredible speed. Frantically, you grab onto a root to avoid falling to your death. Looking around, you see the treetops around you turn into a blue blur… and then you jerk forward, slamming into a tree trunk, as the Whistling Blade abruptly comes to a halt. When you stand up and brush yourself off, you realize that the scenery has changed – you are now at the Jade Gardens of Xenkai.
The Whistling Blade crouches down, and you take that as a sign to clamber off, onto solid ground. Then it bounds away into the gloom of the azure woods. And you turn around and enter the first of the endless rows of Jade Gardens that stretch into the horizon.
When you step inside, the man behind the counter hails you.
“Hey, sir! You’re look’in kinda weak and wimpy, if I do say so myself – which I do. How about a platter of my famous Serpenti Foo Young to put some meat on those bones?” You briefly glance at the menu and then turn back to the proprietor.
If we order Shiro Puppydragon we get a Pet! That buffs our attack
I think it may be dead, and in tiny, cooked pieces.
Ok, it’s time for a tiebreaker (new thing, BTW):
Only two options?
Only 4 voters? I call hax
Previous Chapter: Poll-Venture #2: The Golden Omelette [Chapter 12: A Special Something]
Chapter 12: A Special Something
Status: [1/1], Lefty
“Sure, I’ll take some Serpenti Foo Young,” you say. Your rumbling stomach compels you to continue. “I’d also like to order a Wild Taur and Broccoli… and the Manager’s Special. For takeout, please.” You throw a bag of gold (that’s right, you brought gold into the desert but not water) onto the counter. The proprietor pockets the gold, then gives you an evil grin before turning on his heel and marching into the kitchen. A little unsettled, you sit down on a nearby bench to await his return.
When the owner comes back, he is carrying a large platter of steaming food. The aroma wafting from it is enough to make your mouth water and your stomach cry out in pain.
“I thought I said ‘takeout,’” you remark, trying to sound angry while suppressing the acute desire to grab the platter and stuff your face into it. “How I am supposed to bring this on the road?”
“Oh, c’mon! Sit down and relax for a moment, will ya?” Then the proprietor moves his face uncomfortably close to yours and lowers his voice menacingly. “Unless you’re… running from someth’in?” You gulp, and give in to the smells. It couldn’t hurt to rest your legs here a bit before the long trek to Xaan.
“Whatever gave you that strange notion? I shall break my fast here.” You follow the proprietor to a table and he sets the platter down in front of you. You sit down and are about to start eating when you notice that the owner has not moved. He is hovering over you, intently watching your every move.
Glancing around, you realize that no one else is eating in this restaurant. You are alone with the creepy proprietor. Trying to ignore his gaze and the feeling that you have made a terrible mistake, you start inhaling your Serpenti Foo Young. It is all gone in seconds, and your hunger is still a force to be reckoned with. So you attack the Wild Taur and Broccoli (briefly wondering why it tastes like pork instead of beef) until there is nothing left. And then only the Manager’s Special remains. It is on a separate platter, covered by a reflective silver cloche. As you reach out to lift the cloche up, you see the owner leaning forward out of the corner of your eye. You pull back your hand and turn towards him.
“What’s your problem?” you ask, very annoyed at his intrusion of your breakfast.
The proprietor’s eyes glint with unconcealed malice. “I like to verify that my customers are satisfied. Go on, eat!” If only you had a weapon, you would kill him where he stands. But you don’t, so you stiffly turn back to your meal and uncover the Manager’s Special.
What you see on the silver platter shocks you to your core.
You push it away from you in disgust, and feel bile rising in your throat.
The proprietor starts laughing maniacally behind you.
For, in the middle of the platter, there sits… a single, tiny block of tofu.
“What is the meaning of this! I didn’t pay one hundred gold for this… this insult!” you rage.
“Oh, but you did.” The owner chuckles. “And this is no insult. In fact, it has magical properties. If you consume it, you will obtain a powerful keyword of your choice. How would ya like to have Frenzy? Or Celerity?” He pauses meaningfully and seems to stare deep into your soul. “Or Flying?”
If you end up eating the tofu, which keyword do you want?
Why you guys hating on tofu. Its… okay… not great but not bad either.
Good tofu can be better than good meat imo
I like all the smoke flavoured sorts. Sometimes everything tastes better if it tastes closer to bacon…
Spicy curries with tofu are my thing
You know what tastes better than bacon-flavored tofu?
You know what tastes better than bacon?
Not a vegetarian but I approve of this.
Previous Chapter: Poll-Venture #2: The Golden Omelette [Chapter 13: It's Your Unlucky Day]
Chapter 13: It’s Your Unlucky Day
Status: [1/1], Lefty
Without a second thought, you toss the square of tofu into your mouth and swallow it whole. You can immediately feel its power coursing through your veins. You feel… sleepy. Your last thought before you black out is: Gimme a Forcefield!
You blearily open your eyes, and see only darkness. It feels as if you are coming out of the deepest sleep of your life – and perhaps you are. After a few minutes of drifting on the edge of consciousness, you try to move your arms, and have the unpleasant revelation that they are tied behind your back. The movement of your legs is similarly restricted. And there is a dark cloth covering your eyes. Only then do you realize you have been duped and kidnapped by a bartender.
“Where am I?” you croak.
“You are right where you belong,” replies the scathingly cold voice of a man from behind you. “Xaan.”
You can’t see the speaker, but it matters not – deep in your heart of hearts, you’ve been expecting this meeting for a long time.
“Kaleos Xaan,” you spit.
“No, no, no!” the voice remonstrates. “How many times must I tell you blithering peasants?! Kaleos Xaan is no more. He died. I am The Reborn, and I am far more powerful than that fool Kaleos ever was! I have UNLIMITED POWER, as a matter of fact.”
“Oh really?” you retort. “Then how come you’re a mindless puppet of the Abyssian?”
“What! Who told you that?!” Kaleos screeches. “I am no puppet! The Reborn is his own master! I rule ALL of Xenkai! If I so chose, I could order all of the Abyssian on the continent to be slain, and it would be done in half a heartbeat!”
Sensing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you say, “Half a heartbeat, eh? That seems a little unrealistic, if you ask me… why don’t you prove it, if you’re really so powerful?”
There is a lengthy pause, and then Kaleos responds, sounding even more irritated and petulant than he did previously. “Because I don’t feel like it! I am the Emperor, not you! If I played a Blistering Skorn in front of you, you wouldn’t even take damage! You know why? Because you. Are. NOTHING!”
Since you can’t do much else, you decide to annoy The Reborn even further. “Well, I guess I’ll be going, then. I don’t remember Nothing being on the list of rare ingredients for your special soup.”
But Kaleos just chuckles dryly. “Thank you for reminding me. You may have been nerfed into a worthless laughingstock, but as far as my ‘special soup’ is concerned, you are still the wanderer of Mythron. GUARDS! Show this insolent ingredient to its rightful place!”
“At once, m’lord,” two voices say simultaneously. One guard grabs you by the feet, the other by your shoulders, and together they unceremoniously heave you off the ground. Then you start moving… towards what is probably your imminent demise.
Accept your fate!!!
First part: No.
Second part: Sure.