I think it may be dead, and in tiny, cooked pieces.
Ok, it’s time for a tiebreaker (new thing, BTW):
- Kill the proprietor
- Order Manager’s Special
Only two options?
Only 4 voters? I call hax
Previous Chapter: Poll-Venture #2: The Golden Omelette [Chapter 12: A Special Something]
Chapter 12: A Special Something
Status: [1/1], Lefty
“Sure, I’ll take some Serpenti Foo Young,” you say. Your rumbling stomach compels you to continue. “I’d also like to order a Wild Taur and Broccoli… and the Manager’s Special. For takeout, please.” You throw a bag of gold (that’s right, you brought gold into the desert but not water) onto the counter. The proprietor pockets the gold, then gives you an evil grin before turning on his heel and marching into the kitchen. A little unsettled, you sit down on a nearby bench to await his return.
When the owner comes back, he is carrying a large platter of steaming food. The aroma wafting from it is enough to make your mouth water and your stomach cry out in pain.
“I thought I said ‘takeout,’” you remark, trying to sound angry while suppressing the acute desire to grab the platter and stuff your face into it. “How I am supposed to bring this on the road?”
“Oh, c’mon! Sit down and relax for a moment, will ya?” Then the proprietor moves his face uncomfortably close to yours and lowers his voice menacingly. “Unless you’re… running from someth’in?” You gulp, and give in to the smells. It couldn’t hurt to rest your legs here a bit before the long trek to Xaan.
“Whatever gave you that strange notion? I shall break my fast here.” You follow the proprietor to a table and he sets the platter down in front of you. You sit down and are about to start eating when you notice that the owner has not moved. He is hovering over you, intently watching your every move.
Glancing around, you realize that no one else is eating in this restaurant. You are alone with the creepy proprietor. Trying to ignore his gaze and the feeling that you have made a terrible mistake, you start inhaling your Serpenti Foo Young. It is all gone in seconds, and your hunger is still a force to be reckoned with. So you attack the Wild Taur and Broccoli (briefly wondering why it tastes like pork instead of beef) until there is nothing left. And then only the Manager’s Special remains. It is on a separate platter, covered by a reflective silver cloche. As you reach out to lift the cloche up, you see the owner leaning forward out of the corner of your eye. You pull back your hand and turn towards him.
“What’s your problem?” you ask, very annoyed at his intrusion of your breakfast.
The proprietor’s eyes glint with unconcealed malice. “I like to verify that my customers are satisfied. Go on, eat!” If only you had a weapon, you would kill him where he stands. But you don’t, so you stiffly turn back to your meal and uncover the Manager’s Special.
What you see on the silver platter shocks you to your core.
You push it away from you in disgust, and feel bile rising in your throat.
The proprietor starts laughing maniacally behind you.
For, in the middle of the platter, there sits… a single, tiny block of tofu.
“What is the meaning of this! I didn’t pay one hundred gold for this… this insult!” you rage.
“Oh, but you did.” The owner chuckles. “And this is no insult. In fact, it has magical properties. If you consume it, you will obtain a powerful keyword of your choice. How would ya like to have Frenzy? Or Celerity?” He pauses meaningfully and seems to stare deep into your soul. “Or Flying?”
- Eat it
- Refuse to eat it until the proprietor eats half
- Ask for a fortune cookie instead
- Run away from the Jade Gardens as fast as you can
If you end up eating the tofu, which keyword do you want?
Why you guys hating on tofu. Its… okay… not great but not bad either.
Good tofu can be better than good meat imo
I like all the smoke flavoured sorts. Sometimes everything tastes better if it tastes closer to bacon…
Spicy curries with tofu are my thing
You know what tastes better than bacon-flavored tofu?
You know what tastes better than bacon?
Not a vegetarian but I approve of this.
Previous Chapter: Poll-Venture #2: The Golden Omelette [Chapter 13: It's Your Unlucky Day]
Chapter 13: It’s Your Unlucky Day
Status: [1/1], Lefty
Without a second thought, you toss the square of tofu into your mouth and swallow it whole. You can immediately feel its power coursing through your veins. You feel… sleepy. Your last thought before you black out is: Gimme a Forcefield!
You blearily open your eyes, and see only darkness. It feels as if you are coming out of the deepest sleep of your life – and perhaps you are. After a few minutes of drifting on the edge of consciousness, you try to move your arms, and have the unpleasant revelation that they are tied behind your back. The movement of your legs is similarly restricted. And there is a dark cloth covering your eyes. Only then do you realize you have been duped and kidnapped by a bartender.
“Where am I?” you croak.
“You are right where you belong,” replies the scathingly cold voice of a man from behind you. “Xaan.”
You can’t see the speaker, but it matters not – deep in your heart of hearts, you’ve been expecting this meeting for a long time.
“Kaleos Xaan,” you spit.
“No, no, no!” the voice remonstrates. “How many times must I tell you blithering peasants?! Kaleos Xaan is no more. He died. I am The Reborn, and I am far more powerful than that fool Kaleos ever was! I have UNLIMITED POWER, as a matter of fact.”
“Oh really?” you retort. “Then how come you’re a mindless puppet of the Abyssian?”
“What! Who told you that?!” Kaleos screeches. “I am no puppet! The Reborn is his own master! I rule ALL of Xenkai! If I so chose, I could order all of the Abyssian on the continent to be slain, and it would be done in half a heartbeat!”
Sensing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, you say, “Half a heartbeat, eh? That seems a little unrealistic, if you ask me… why don’t you prove it, if you’re really so powerful?”
There is a lengthy pause, and then Kaleos responds, sounding even more irritated and petulant than he did previously. “Because I don’t feel like it! I am the Emperor, not you! If I played a Blistering Skorn in front of you, you wouldn’t even take damage! You know why? Because you. Are. NOTHING!”
Since you can’t do much else, you decide to annoy The Reborn even further. “Well, I guess I’ll be going, then. I don’t remember Nothing being on the list of rare ingredients for your special soup.”
But Kaleos just chuckles dryly. “Thank you for reminding me. You may have been nerfed into a worthless laughingstock, but as far as my ‘special soup’ is concerned, you are still the wanderer of Mythron. GUARDS! Show this insolent ingredient to its rightful place!”
“At once, m’lord,” two voices say simultaneously. One guard grabs you by the feet, the other by your shoulders, and together they unceremoniously heave you off the ground. Then you start moving… towards what is probably your imminent demise.
- Resign to your fate
- Twist and wriggle your way to freedom
- Try to bribe the guards to free you with promises of the Golden Omelette
Accept your fate!!!
First part: No.
Second part: Sure.
Previous Chapter: Poll-Venture #2: The Golden Omelette [Chapter 14: Bribery]
Chapter 14: Bribery
Status: [1/1], Lefty
There is only one way you can possibly escape this predicament. As the saying goes, “When words and punches fail, try bribery.” Empty words will not make the guards betray their master for you, and it would be hard for you to punch them when your hands are tied up. Besides, they are probably armed. Bribery is the only course of action left open to you.
“Hey, guards!” you whisper.
“Oooh!” one of the guards says to his companion. He sounds young and breathless with excitement. “He’s gonna to try to convince us to free him! I’ve always wanted something like this to happen!”
“Shut up,” the other guard responds, in a deeper, older voice.
“Listen to me,” you start, but one of the guards slams you in the stomach with his fist, silencing your plea and forcing you to gasp for breath.
“Shut up,” the old guard says again, this time directed at you.
“Hey, let him speak. This could get interesting!” It is the young guard’s voice.
“I will not tell you again. Shut. Up.”
"But – "
“Oh, be quiet!” Suddenly, one of the guards lets go of your shoulders, and your head cracks painfully against the ground. Then you hear a sickening squelching sound and a muffled cry of anguish. The other guard releases your feet.
Suddenly, light floods your vision, momentarily blinding you. The face of one of the guards is hovering over you. He appears to be in his twenties, and has the light blue hair that marks him as an Abyssian.
“You were saying?” the guard asks casually, a wide smirk on his clean-shaven face. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see the body of an older guard lying on the ground, a bloody spear protruding from his chest.
You are a bit startled by this strange turn of events, but clearly it is in your favor, so you decide to make the most of it.
“As you may know, I am the great Mythron Wanderer. Before I was so rudely abducted, I was on an epic quest to find the Golden Chrysalis, the most powerful artifact in the world. If you let me go so I can claim it, I will repay you a thousandfold with the abilities it grants me. Anything you could ever want will be yours!”
The guard mulls over your offer, then replies, “No deal. Once you have the power of the Chrysalis, you can just use it all for yourself. There’s no way I can hold you to your end of the bargain… unless I come along on your epic journey, that is, and you let me take the Golden Chrysalis instead!”
You feign consternation, while secretly exulting on the inside. “What! I can’t give you the Chrysalis! You’ll have anything – everything – else you want, but not that!”
“I will have that,” says the guard, reaching for his spear and pulling it out of the older guard’s corpse. “Unless you want to die, of course. Your choice.” He gives you an annoying grin.
“Fine,” you concede. “Help me escape and I’ll bring you to the Chrysalis. Just seeing it will be enough for me. It’s yours.”
“I knew you’d see it my way.” The guard cuts the ropes around your arms and legs with his spear. “Better get your armor on.”
- Do as the guard says and escape
- Take the dead guard’s spear and turn the Abyssian scum into a shish-kebab, then go and finish off Kaleos
Aren’t all humanlike abyssian female? All the demons and stuff are the male ones iicr.
Supposedly, yes. But who really knows?