Offical Lore Contest Discussion Area


#1

Welcome to the discussion thread for our Offical Lore Contest found here: Duelyst Lore Contest!

Feel free to chat, critique each other, and otherwise discuss the entries made :smiley:


#2

im guessing that there is no point in making lore for cards that already have lore?
and could we get an example of where the flavor text would go. whether the lore would go into the codex or the collection might make a difference in what people write.


#3

Correct! Submissions should be around neutral units that do not currently have lore


#4

Are there any country/region restrictions for the contest?


#5

No, so long as you can be shipped to we will ship to you if you win.


#6

Can we submit enciphered lore text in revenge for Okojo the VICthulhu?


#7

Will intentional troll entries be deleted from the submission thread?
I don’t mind if those entries are restricted from the final voting phase.


#8

@zezetel CRLA-certified Writing Tutor (and super-casual fiction writer) critique incoming:

It has always been there. Living dying and living again.

  • First sentence is excessively obfuscative (i.e. don’t play the “pronoun game”).
  • Second sentence is a fragment; use a semicolon or reword (also don’t forget to use commas to clarify lists).

Far before any other creature existed. Perhaps even before Mythron itself came into existence it woke up. Its only purpose to die and wake up again.

  • First sentence is a fragment. Either use a comma or reword.
  • “It woke up” seems bland/silly. I would suggest something more descriptive/active, or even leaving it at “It woke” would work.
  • 3rd sentence is redundant with first paragraph; cut.

It has experienced many cataclysms. It even survived the age of disjunction. Such earning him the title eternal. Not that it cared much about such titles. For Sarlac the age of disjunction was not special at all. It lived it died and it woke up again. As it had done before and as it would do in the future.

  • Again, just tell the reader who “it” is. It’s disengaging to do otherwise.
  • Reword first sentence, use descriptive/active language (i.e. what’s it like to experience many ‘cataclysms’?).
  • What’s the Age of Disjunction (note capitalization)? Who cares?
  • “Such earning him the title of eternal” (1) using “him” is inconsistent with prior sentences (2) this is a fragment.
  • 4th sentence is another fragment, and doesn’t convey anything.
  • 5th sentence you finally break the pronoun game (hallelujah).
  • The rest is completely redundant.

No one knew where it came from, not even itself knew what came before him. Not that it cared. Sarlac only had one goal. To die, and not wake up, to stop this horror. To stop this repetitive cycle of live and death.

  • “It” or “he”? Be consistent.
  • First sentence is rife with awkward wording; cut.
  • More fragments (either use em-dashes or commas).
  • Use a colon for list-emphasis (e.g. Sarlac sought only one purpose: to sleep, to not wake and see the horrors again.)
  • Again, last sentence is gratingly redundant. Take the opportunity to evoke the senses. Immerse the reader, don’t distance them with stale repetition.

To do this Sarlac searched for aid. He went to the seventh sanctum in the hope that they might be able to destroy him. Many skilled magicians tried to find a way to destroy this miserable creature. But none succeeded. After a while only the school of power was still trying to destroy this creature. Not to help, but for personal glory. A weapon that could destroy Sarlac would be a weapon that could destroy anything. When Sarlac found out about this it left.

  • Always use commas after transition phrases (e.g. To do this, Sarlac searched for aid.)
  • Seventh Sanctum (capitalized?).
  • I’d recommend ‘Mages’ instead of ‘Magicians’.
  • 2nd sentence is redundant. Be descriptive, don’t keep on repeating a bland terms like ‘destroy’ and ‘miserable creature’.
  • More fragments (But none succeeded; Not to help, but for personal glory).
  • School of Power sounds incredibly silly. Is this actual lore? Otherwise, use a much more evocative name.
  • I like that Sarlac leaves, but I think that’s the perfect opportunity to character-build and give us an explanation (e.g. When Sarlac ascertained their motives, he left. He would have no part in horror’s growth.)

After this failure Sarlac went to others but none was able to help. None was able to destroy that what is eternal. Even now it still exists. It hides from the world in the hope that one day it will no longer be eternal

  • First sentence is much too bland. Give us descriptive details: how long did he wander, how far did he go?
  • 2nd sentence: None were able to destroy that which is eternal.
  • Again, be consistent with your use of pronouns.
  • I like the resolution, but (again) the wording could use deeper description (e.g. Now, with purpose lost, he wanders, hiding until the day his sleep can be granted.)

Overall, I love the direction and subject matter (and I think you struck the tone beautifully), I just think the piece would benefit from a trimming of redundancy and flat descriptors, and the addition of more evocative/active descriptors.


#9

Just to help out those are all lore terms from the codex.


#10

Welp. Time to catch up on the lore now~


#11

I have an important question: how do I tell what Neutral Units have lore and which ones don’t? I don’t have many cards in-game, so I don’t really know.


#12

Thought i havent participated yet, i have to say this … IS THE MOST AWESOME CONTEST EVER!

Why? because its unique to this game and gives importance to a different subject than just the cards themselfs. Also, i think it makes users part of the game, like in its construction, but in a very tangible way …
Would never expect it, you guys are really cool, keep it going!

:smiley:


#13

I WANT THOSE DAMN PINNIES! Can’t wait to see other people’s lore also.

DankSteel Defender bae :heart:


#14

While I realize some of the official lore is symptomatic, here’s a good writing resource that may be useful in toning down wordiness/verbosity: Avoiding Purple Prose.


#15

Well I spend about an hour or so typing up a decent Bloodflame Warlock story, but by the time I liked it enough to post it someone else beat me to the punch.

Now I just feel silly.


#16

Can I have some feedback on mine? I’m a pretty newish writer so I may have made some pretty obvious mistakes xD


#17

plz halp me too I will give you online hugs as payment


#18

Dude. Be my English teacher.


#19

How about this:

Some say that he is chaos made flesh
Some say that he is an elemental
All we know is, he’s called the Chaos Elemental


#20

Memes are strong with this one.