Dark Memes XII: Arch Memesis (aka an epic journey in the realms of Playability)


#1

Disclaimer:

This is a quite special edition of Dark Memes, so this time instead of posting a deck after testing, we’re posting it first and testing it afterwards. The reason for this is, I intend to write a bit of meme lore since this abomination really deserves special attention. Arch Memesis, his pawn Biggiethe and their crew will travel through the realms of a country called “Playability”, challenging each worthy opponent in a fierce Frostfire battle. As most arch nemeses from tv series etc, Memesis is quite an underdog. Can he defeat a single opponent, or will his efforts turn out to be in vain?

Rules: I’ll randomly play the deck in Frostfire mode. Each full game against a new general will be counted as a new battle in the story, and I will record these battles freely in a diary fashion. No replays etc. will be added since I don’t want to drag anyone into this nonsense out of their will. If you’re interested in those, feel free to add me IG :slight_smile:

(deck posted below)


#2

Arch Memesis

Memesis was a young memelord. Where he was born, the story does not tell, yet already as a young fella he travelled to the edges of Playability, a vast kingdom at the center of the world map. Memesis was a master among his race in a battle sports called Frostfire, and wanted to test his skills against the warlords of Playability. But to do this, he would need a crew. Not just any crew, but highly tailored to suit his Memesis needs. Memesis sets out to battle, challenging everyone and everything. Alongside him is his trusty companion and underling, Biggie Fightchaser.

Who are Memesis’s crew, you say? From the puny to the most powerful, here they are:

Dankspine Elememental: Every crew needs someone to do their dirty work. Dankspines don’t complain much, and are paid only in Shadow Bleep.

Ephememeral Shroud: Memesis isn’t quite sure what this is used for. It can fetch a ball, though.

Chaos Elememental: “The most reliable ninjas in the town”.

Captain Dank Hart: With over 50 years of space combat experience, Dank commands his underlings with precision.

Memerald Rejuvenator: Every crew needs a medic. Memerald is such a good guy that he heals their enemies too, free of charge.

Sun Elememental: Memesis won this poor guy in a lottery near the edge of Playability. He? makes quite good curry.

Danking Blades: Memesis bought these cheaply from China.

Shadowdanker: This one’s oddly familiar to me. Where have I seen her before?

Oh, and Memesis can also do magic I forgot to tell you:

Dankfire Sacrifice: The weak must be sacrificed to the memelords.

Sphere of Dankness: Memesis’ happy club where they eat curry and listen to Shadow Bleep.

Dank Seed: Memesis also likes gardening.

Dank Transformation: With enough practice, you too can become a Wraith King!


#3

Where the hell is Astral Crusader, He, Who travels through Meme Dimensions, learning more in the way of memes?


#4

An eerie figure appears in the distance…

(Dramatic music) “Betcha didn’t expect this!” Only then Memesis realizes: “It’s you Biggiethe! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”… “But wait, you’re right here next to me?” “Oh, that’s my sister Mediumithe” Biggithe replies.

“Good luck, have bun” responds Mediumithe for some reason. Memesis approaches his foe furiously, and casts a Sphere of Dankness. While the club meeting is going on, a strange gift falls before Memesis. “Hmm what could this be?” he asks. It’s a whistleblow! Memesis feels his magic suddenly boosting…

Mediumithe does not even blink while, she retreats to a nearby corner with her army. “Why do I always get medium luck?” she cries. Dank Hart enters by Memesis’ side, laughing somewhat nonsensically. Mediumithe builds her swarm, even summoning an Ephememeral Shroud! “What is this, do you know what these are for!?” cries out Memesis, while Dank fires away randomly at the enemy squad.

Dank copies himself, just as Mediumithe casts a Dank Transformation on him, possibly the most fearsome spell in the entire Playability. “Hey haw, that was just my Döppelganger!” shouts Dank victoriously. A Sun Elememental enters the battlefield with Chaos Elememental. Even a second Ephememeral Shroud cannot save Mediumithe now, as Danking Blades seals the deal with a fatal blow. “Nothing good ever comes from China!” says Mediumithe, vanishing into the distance.

Memesis is victorious, and in a good mood. “I will be the very best!” he shouts triumphantly. Alas, not for long. A ginger figure stops him in his tracks. “I’m Bane. High Bane. But you may call me Bargeon.”, he speaks. Before Bargeon realizes what’s happening, Memesis has already made him join the Spherre of Dankness.

“This ain’t right, my momma didn’t raise me like this” shouts Bargeon, realizing what he has done. An army of Silverbard Knights appears, protecting his dignity. Memesis foolishly approaches, thinking a Chaos Elememental will surely save him. Not this time. Bargeon pulls out the ultimate weapon, a double Punstone Bracers, slaying the Elememental right where it stands.

A Lysian Barber appears. Things are getting tough for Memesis… However, he puts out a Dankspine, casting Sphere of Dankness on the unsuspecting Barber. The Dank club has just gained a new memeber! However, this is no use as the Silverbards get even more furious and proceed beat Memesis to a pulp. Even a free Dank Seed sampler cannot possibly save him from the wrath of Bargeon.

It’s 1-1 for Memesis. His self-esteem took a hit, however he is still quite convinced he is the greatest Frostfire Memelord of all time. He journeys on, until…

(to be continued)


#5

If you look closely, you may notice a reoccurring theme in the crew of Memesis :wink: Crusader simply wasn’t “dank” enough for Memesis’ devices, no matter how multi-dimensional he may be.


#6

Chaos Elemental and Sun Elemental is suuuper dank, I love it. Apart from that I’m not so sure about Darkspine since you only have Sphere for it and it’s a bad card, I’m not sure about Shadowdancer since you’re buffing minion hp.

Why not run Cassy with Kelaino or Baehv with Azure Horn Shaman to further follow the theme?

Rescue RX could even make an appearance here imo


#7

Maybe I should just be more explicit to not raise too many questions: literally 100% of the deck’s lineup is chosen because I wanted to maximize using the words “meme” and “dank” with the least changes to the original card names as possible.


#8

Neither of those have anything to do with Shadowdancer, Lilithe, Cass or Maehv tho :frowning:


#10

Lol okay, my b. At which point are you reaching, do you think?


#11

Sry no particular point actually :stuck_out_tongue: that post of mine turned out to be quite resistant to deletion, but for future generations it shall be noted that it involved a random comment related to the beautiful German language


#12

Astral Crumemer?

And how does Shroud fethc a ball? It has no mouth!


#13

Well, neither me nor Memesis are quite sure of that :thonk:


#14

Through creative use of its opening gambit. Very creative use. The shroud dispels the ball’s object permanence, basically creating a Schrodinger’s cat quantum uncertainty situation where the ball basically just shows up next to to you when you’re not paying direct attention to it. Then the shroud runs back over to you, and there’s the ball all of a sudden, and you’re kinda confused, but you throw the ball again anyway because Ephey is a good…quadruped.

Seriously, what is it? It’s not a cat or dog, that’s for sure. Ask Captain Hank. Maybe he knows, the thing looks like it’s from space at least.

Who named them ephemeral shrouds, even? They don’t disappear without intervention, so they’re not ephemeral, and they don’t cast any kind of shroud over anything, really they do more of the opposite.

…I would totally keep one as a pet, though. As long as it doesn’t dispel my electronics.


#15

…suddenly an eerie figure pops out of sand. “I am Xirix, the Barstrider” he introduces himself, and pops out an Asterix before him. “Quick, kill let’s kill it before it drinks the magical drink!” Chaos Elememental advises Memesis. But when he gets hit by the Barstrider, the Elememental suddenly teleports away from battle. “What on earth… gotta do everything by myself” Memesis says, frustrated.

A fierce battle ensues, as Memesis’ Danking Blades and Shadowdankers and Barstrider’s She-masters, Bervishes and Pyromonkeys battle. Just as Barstrider is pulling a lethal move, casting Scion’s Second Dish on a Pyromonkey, an Ephememeral Shroud pops out in the middle of the battle. “What are you doing, get back here doggo/catto/etc.!” Memesis shouts. But everyone looks suddenly very confused. Simple-minded as he is, Memesis does not realize the dimension-warping powers of the Ephememeral.

With last effort, Barstrider bribes a Speedmetal Golem on his side with some envybeer. Memesis gasps, as he pulls back. But the dankest of his allies, Shadowdanker, has made a devious plan. Out of her pocket, she pulls out a Dank Seed. “Catch this, China!” she shouts, and throws the seed to a Danking Blades. While the Speedmetal Golem is tuning his guitar, the Blades slips between Asterix and Speedmetal, and throws the Seed into unsuspecting Barstrider’s mouth. Suddenly his eyes open, as the dankness flows through him. “Forgive me, oh Memesis, for I have seen the way now” “Oh little one, worry not for you shall be invited to the Sphere of Dankness” The club meeting starts once again, and this time Memesis is victorious! It’s 2-1 (important note: Dank Hart is keeping count now since Memesis can only count to two).

The club meeting takes place in happy spirits. Suddenly, a loud knock is heard on the door. A buff green figure appears. “And who might you be?” Dank Hart asks. “I’m Drag Nora, and you’re pretty d*** loud! Can’t sleep when all that Shadow Bleep comes through the walls” No apologies will help now, as Nora’s friends rush through the door as well. The crew runs in every direction, chased by Nora’s Erratic Traptyrs, Guavaslashers and Pagebinders. “Run, Memesis!” shouts out Dank, as Nora throws an egg on him.

As Dank gets crushed, Memesis is furiously searching through his bag of gifts. This one surely! It’s a Bowl of Bowl. This one…? Memesis opens up Jingle “Bells”! With the “Bells”, Memesis gains the ability to fly! Memesis flies to each corner of the house, fabulously avoiding the squad of Nora which gets worrisomely large by the minute. “Time to go, bojoz!” shouts Memesis as he flies through the door. Yes, the door. Should have maybe checked whether it was still open or not. Memesis 0, Door 1 (Dank can’t count right now as he’s still under a quite heavy egg, but we’ll get him along in future fights again as soon as he gets some Ememerald treatment).


#16

I love the names of things. Erratic Traptyr has to be my favorite.


#17

Memesis thinks he has escaped, but alas! When he looks behind him, an even stronger enemy has appeared. “Kfffghh… I heard… Ksdfkdfsdf… You disturbed Drag… Fkkhhhh… I am Daarth… Fksgdfglf… I am your… sSDfsdds… Vaather… Sgdfgodflc… Eliminate them!”

Memesis does not quite grasp the situation, but as Daarth’s elite soldier Balanx approaches him, with Darth’s Great Forceitude supporting him, he realizes something has to be done. With no other way of getting rid of the situation, Memesis uses a nearby Dankspine Elemental as a sword and smashes the Balanx’s tiny feet. “Ha, never skip leg day!” Memesis shouts. As Balanx collapses, his giant hammer falls in the air. Straight on top of Memesis, of course. 8 sweet damage, ouch. Daarth is already commanding his Glam Rock to finish Memesis, when Dank Hart comes to teh rescue.

Dank and Shadowdanker (with her döppelganger) blast away at Daarth with arrows and jedi powers. The tables have turned. Then, out of nowhere, Daarth summons a Colosseum. “Wow ok that’s pretty big” notes Dank. “Worry not, for I am quite aware of Rome’s greatest weakness” claims Shadowdanker. Borrowing some fire from a Sun Elememental, she sets the Colosseum on fire. There’s nowhere to run now, as the Dankers finish poor Daarth. “There was good in him” says Memesis, sorrowfully. It’s 3-2 to Captain Am… Dank Ha… Memesis.

He’s unaware of this at the moment, but the next battle shall be Memesis’ last. Will he be able to claim all the unholy powers of Playability with a 66,6… % winrate, or will he be lost forever in a sea of mediocrity? Find out in the next memepisode of Dank Memesis Z.


#18

Oh my, this is briliant. I’m expecting more Memeventures now ! Keep going Miguel ! :+1:


#19

Oh noes :smiley: we’ll see about that! Thanks anyway :snowchaser:


#20

Best Topic I read this year, already excited about Memesis’ future adventures :grin::rofl::smile::hugs:


#21

I don’t know About you, but dancing blades is insane, none play around it!