Hey kids, do you know Zir’an? Have you ever been sniped from the other side of the map by a gold vitriol for lethal, even when you have 10 other minions on board she could have hit? Have you ever raged against Zir’an so hard that you decided to delete Duelyst, print a paper copy of Zir’an, throw that copy in a paper shredder, then take your computer, dismantle it, and throw it in the trash just so you could avoid looking at her smug face, thinking that while she may have won the battle, getting rid of your computer will deny her the satisfaction of you beating your head against the wall trying to take her down, until you realize you just destroyed your own computer in a futile attempt to destroy Zir’an because, while your computer is now gone, she can still wreak havoc on other people’s computers, and you have now wasted hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on what is surely your most expensive rage of all time?
Well I’ve got news for you…
AND BETTER THAN EVER!!!
Meet Paragon of Light, aka “Zir’an 2.0”. If the above story describes you, I hope your computer is made of diamonds and Nokia phones because this boss is everything you hate and more!
Paragon of Light is like any normal Zir’an. There will be healing. Lots of healing. So much healing that you’ll wonder if there’s even a reason to punch them. But wait, it’s gets better! You know that vitriol card you hate so much? Well, Zir’an 2.0 will have her sniper locked and loaded right at the start of the game.
There will even be a Sun Sister Sterope on the board too. Galeru, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry because Paragon of Light is an idiot who doesn’t even run Orbo + Sun Sister wombo combos.
And she won’t even start at full health. With only 20 of her 30 health maximum, Paragon of Light has made certain she can heal right away, allowing her to skillfully no-scope you without you having to do anything at all. Try as you might, you’ll never escape the vitriol sniperino. And what are you gonna do about it? Hit 'em? Pfft, good luck with that. Paragon of Light harbors all the traits of a normal Zir’an, meaning she can never die. EVER!
And even if you somehow manage to weaken her, you have to keep in mind that this is Super Saiyan Zir’an, meaning her Saiyan blood will increase her power when taking significant damage. She’ll gain keywords like ranged, forcefield, and celerity the weaker she becomes. Even when you’re winning, you’re losing!
But worst of all, Paragon of Light has assistance from a very important ally. He travels the cosmos in search of worthy foes. He is the owner of the galaxy’s coolest jetpack, and has the most powerful astral pistol of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, Paragon of Light has recruited Captain Dank Hart to her team!
If you are able to defeat the dynamic duo of Paragon of Light and Captain Dank Hart, you will get the option of receiving a Boss Crate of Light from Paragon of Light, or a Dank Boss Crate from Dank Hart. Anyone who’s anyone should choose the Dank Boss Crate. I hear if you do, you get Dank Hart’s autograph!