Duelyst Forums

A Study of Friendship

#1

It’s been a while since I started a topic…

Because it’s evident that many forum members are fading, and because this place has been one of the most important parts of my life, I have a favor to ask of anyone willing to participate…

I am working on an idea…a play, a poem, a story…I don’t know the form it will take, but the idea revolves around the entire concept of Friendship.

I can’t possibly prompt you on every single contextual level of what a friend is or can be, so my wish is, for as many of you who wish to engage in this conversation, to learn how different people and cultures develop bonds.

The only requirement for participation in this thread: honest and deep reflection on what friendship means to you. Analyze, as best you can, the full range of connections you have made in life thus far.

Obviously, this thread is not “Duelyst content,” but it is Duelyst related…in that I would not have had the privilege of meeting some many people around the world without it.

I hope you all will find value in this enterprise. Thank you.

#2

I have been wanting to analyze what exactly constitutes a “friend” for a long time.

Recently I’ve been thinking there is no such thing as a true friend… hopefully some people here can change my mind.

#3

I think its tough to objectively define similar as to how people can find different people physically attractive for different reasons. Some people may see a true friend as someone who is always there for you while others see a true friend as someone who is there when it really counts and those same people would see the former definition as a definition more fitting of a romantic partner rather than a friend.

Furthermore, some people see a true/best friend as someone you are romantically involved as they are unable to form those same bonds without some physical intimacy and/or that overall atmosphere that comes with being in a romantic relationship. I suspect this to be the case mainly for those who are instinctively untrustful.

For me, I’ve never had any close friends, just some people a bit above being an acquaintance and this has been the case since my childhood so I would most likely fit in with the lot of people who can only be true/best friends with those they are romantically involved with.

#4

For me, good friends are the people that accept you for who you are. The guys who you can joke around with without having to be careful of what you say. The ones that dont care that I spend most of my time in front of a pc, or that I often listen rather than contribute to a conversation (just like on the forums ha ha). While I dont have a giant amount of friends, they’re all good people and I trust them to have my back. Most of my friends have a sense of humor that makes no sense or a sarcastic sense of humor, just like me. Also, a lot of my friends surprisingly dont get along with each other. My best friend I have known since I was small, and we both share the passion for the same type of games, although he usually plays the dps while I’m on the tank. Hes pretty competitive but hates the meta, while I’m not as competitive and always try to tell him that it’s just human nature to try and win at all costs, which he does himself lmao. After defining what “friends” means to me, I’d say I’ve got a good 7 people that are worthy of that title. Could be more if I actually tried learning more about people, but I’m happy with the friends I got now.

#5

I wouldn’t know where to begin really. The friends that I’ve known the longest, have been friends since we were 3 or 4 years old. Which we still meet up and hang out with each other even as adults now when we can. A couple of online friends and myself recently got back in contact with each, and decided to play an old MMO game where we all met each other from like 10+ years ago.

The way I see friends or friendship is the bond that people have between each other remain strong and intact for years, even when you haven’t heard from each other in months or even years. I wouldn’t say its loyalty or comfort that binds us, although it does probably play a part. Its more like we understand each other and therefore can see eye to eye, even if we disagree with each other, either from shared experiences or just having a fun time to help people push through the bad periods.

#6

A lot of friendships in my life have been almost entirely contextual, that typical “we happened to be in the same room” thing where you like each other well enough for a while, until your context(s) change and the friendship fades away. There are some friendships that have transcended space and time but to me, the most real friendships have been those that indelibly changed me. Those friendships left permanent imprints on my personality, and I carry them with me wherever I go and whatever I do. Even those friendships might end in the practical sense at some point, but they can never really fade away.

Love ya too isbee.

#7

I would love to read what you’ll come up with. Don’t worry about forum members leaving; at least I will be here until the end. :kissing_smiling_eyes:

#8

Friendship consists of mutual acceptance, pleasure to be together, no pressure on each other. That’s basically all I’ve got. And it’s basically the same as love, IMO, but without sex mixed in.

Given this opinion, it’s not hard to notice that my friendships are in a constant flux state. I never demand anything, but most people tend to think closer they get, more they can demand. Even “why don’t we talk more often?” can be a concealed demand in some cases.

Not that I’m an irresponsible friend, on the contrary. I’m always trying to make my dearest people happy…but I want to do it in my own way and on my initiative. If that doesn’t satisfy someone - that means either the “mutual acceptance” or the “pleasure to be together” part of my friendship definition is broken and thus this friendship is no more.

Not so fast, of course :slight_smile:

#9

For me, an important part of friendship is that with my 5-10 people I really consider friends, I can continue conversations with them even after not being in touch for a long time (even half a year-year sometimes). We can have vastly different life circumstances and that’s fine, there’s just a mutual level of acceptance that makes it somehow special.

Almost all of my friends I’ve also known from before teenage. I wonder if it’s a thing, that it’s hard to be really open with others face-to-face when you grow up.

#10
semipersonal ramblings of an artist
Love and Friendship are trap words insofar as therein lie a multitude of species of each that would themselves deserve new terms.
I cannot say that I have extensively talked to anyone I met here, yet we are not strangers;
its a Pal kind of Friendship- yes, contextual, and in this sense some would be led to think of it as a lesser form, but I dont really like that; most of the taste in a sandwitch comes from the meat, but our favorite sandwitches are never just the meast, the other ingredients are indispensable to form the favorite combination; it is the whole who forms its magic
And a place like this is more necessary than it lets on in the life of a creator, for even for us there are times in which one needs to let go, and just forget about everything, and play some duelyst, and discuss some cardgames and whatever with other players;
friends by familiarity that grew to be like big friends, which are generally people you met at young age, there are friends of healing, psyche-doctors of a sort, friends of objective, and with this i have in mind art friends whom i can share the desire to create with
Surely, also, at least in my case, friends by idol-ation, that is, someone who you think is so very cool and you try to interact with but its never quite so satisfying because theyre too cool to be your friend, or perhaps i have been striking unlucky chords, or perhaps one only admires them because one is unfit to be their good friend
notice me maser senpai :cry:
And lastly- though there must be more kidns- is a dream friend that is a combination of objective, but mixed with a deep understanding or similarity; an art partner, if you will, and in this sense, even if i have all the rest, i do still feel lonely, lonely that in my highest reality, in my most important objectives, i am by myself, and my most emotionally charged projects, too, are done all alone;

it is through this that i know what the desert i instinctively draw means.

you too can find out about your psyche, just do art!

#11

Thank you all for responding! I really appreciate your time.

If anyone wants to continue to add thoughts and insights, feel free.

Here is a more specific set of questions…

Is it possible to control “falling in love”? I know love has a vague fluidity, but I think we can agree on loose definition of the feeling in a general sense.

In a broader sense, is the memory of an emotion felt in the past the same as feeling it again as if it were a present incidence? To be more clear, is the memory of an emotion the same as the emotion itself? Can you truly forget an emotional experience in the past? Can you remember an experience void of emotional connections?

I hope that makes enough sense. I’m tired.

#12

it doesn’t make sense, but i will try to answer as best as i can. the hope you felt whilst falling in love or being in love doesn’t compare in your memories. you can control it, but it looses the magic of just finding someone and figuring it out. love is a peculiar thing. sometimes, you have to forget it because they become something other than the person you originally fell in love with. but that’s life.

#13

Yes and no. To me love might be the only emotion that requires both people or both sides to feel the same way for it to be love. If the feeling isn’t the same on both sides, then its not love at all. If you ever have/had the experience of someone else liking or being in love with you, but you don’t feel that way about them, then it can be very awkward. I’m saying this from my own experience where someone liked or fell in love with me, but I didn’t feel that way about them which made it kinda creepy, until they eventually fell out of that state/emotion. You can’t make/control other people “falling in love” with you, but you can kinda control that within yourself.

The short answers to the questions, no, no, depends and yes.

Emotions will always be different in the past through memory compared to however you feel in the present. The way I could describe it is, “You’ll live in regret in the present, but rejoice in the past”. Basically, whatever you do or feel in the present moment you will probably feel regret for it as you’ll have to give up on doing others things or feeling in different ways to experience what you are experiencing now. But when you look back on it, you’ll probably feel happier about doing that/making that choice, or feel happier back in the past at a certain point.

This is mainly because memories with emotional attachment will almost feel bigger/stronger in your memory than it does while you are experiencing it, with the exception of love as that is the opposite way round as that requires just more than yourself. It is possible to forget an emotional experience but that usually means coming to terms with it and being able to let it go. While I do have memories that I don’t have an emotional connection to, it depends if you could regard them as important and therefore I have to remember them rather than choosing to remember.

But it’s just my opinion on your questions.

#14

Which is exactly what I am looking for…:+1:

#15

Dont have time to write much, but a memory of an emotion is an entire emotion altogether.

#16

wisdom. this man deserves a medal

#17

A bit late to the party but anyways…

In regards to falling in love:

To control falling in love sounds like a bit of a contradiction. I think that given the time and/or circumstances, we as human beings can grow to love others. But to use “falling in love”, to me, indicates a more juvenile, spontaneous affection. That is to say, unlike learning more about / spending time with a person, falling in love is a bit more… random, should I say? That’s not quite right, but I hope it gets the message across.

Of course, by spending time around someone or observing someone more, the “chances” of falling in love are probably increased - you can’t exactly fall in love with someone you don’t know exists.

If we were to talk about love itself, of course there are many different forms. Which is why I want to address another view.

In regards to controlling love:

If we were just talking about falling in love, I’d say total control is impossible. But with regards to AFTER “falling in love”, there are definitely methods of controlling how you feel (I’ve been there). I’m a bit reluctant to go too far in depth, since it’d require a hell of a lot more context, but I think you can, with perhaps some effort, mold your relationship / feelings.

This might qualify in and of itself as controlling love, but even then I think you could go further. At the end of the day, you’ll never have complete control over how you feel all the time, but given time, I think you can at least modulate the intensity of certain emotions - including the wide umbrella of things that we call love. We can also transmute certain feelings by taking a new perspective, and I think this can apply to love as well.

Well, maybe that made some sense. I’m a little tired, too, but I’ve got more to say.

In regards to feeling emotions again:

When you say “as if it were a present incident”, a few things come to mind.

If you were referring to experiencing the same emotion again, I certainly feel it’s different the second, third, or nth time around than any other time - especially because the circumstances are likely different.

That is to say, for example, I’m more angry about things when I’m alone than when I’m with others - so feeling the anger again would probably be different the second time around.

If you were referring to thinking back to an emotional feeling, I think it’s definitely different, especially if your perspective changed. In any event, how it is in the moment and how it is looking back… it’s a lot different.

In regards to the difference between the memory of an emotion and the emotion itself:

It’s… a bit complicated. Of course, your memory of an emotion you’ve felt before would constitute the emotion in question, no? But on the other hand, I can recall times when I’ve just lost self control in anger, and I recall certain emotions about it… which are obviously not the same. Perhaps it’s just not of the same magnitude… that is to say, memories of emotions are much weaker than the emotions felt in the moment? Or perhaps it’s something entirely different.

In regards to forgetting an emotional experience:

Yes, 100%. I think a good example is of birthday parties: I’m almost certain that I’ve had plenty of these emotional experiences (happiness, joy) when I was younger, but now I can barely recall any of them. Maybe it’s not the best example, but in any event, we forget a lot of things as we grow older.

An argument could be made, I suppose, that we don’t forget emotional experiences, but experiences cease to be “emotional” if we forget them… though that’d defeat the purpose of the original question.

In regards to remembering an experience void of emotional connections:

Yes, yes, yes. So many memories, simply because there weren’t much emotions in the first place; and a multitude more because the emotions simply did not persist through my remembrance. One example I can think of is an embarrassing experience that I no longer remember with embarrassment. Actually, a lot of scary experiences are pretty void of emotional connection when I look back at it, too.

So… yeah. @isbee, I hope that helps in some way. School has been tough and so I haven’t been on much, but if I was able to in part repay you for the joyous memories, then this will have been worth it many times over :slight_smile: I’m looking forward to whatever else you have to throw at us! <3

#18

@atd09
Thanks for responding!
Thank you for your kind regards!

Everyone lives a different story. Experiences are always filtered by a multitude of internal and external factors.

My ultimate goal here is to gain some understanding and for us to share some varied perspectives on human connections. I enjoy the fact that we all have such diverse feelings.

#19

If anyone is comfortable sharing…

How have you handled the lose of a friend? Either by death, irreparable bitterness from a fundamental disagreement, or growing apart.

How has the process changed as you have aged, if at all?

Of course, depending on the level of intimacy, the process is more, or less, difficult.

#20

Here is Ryousen’s Kill Bill, except not at all.

Couldve condensed it, but just as the conclusion of a thought process is in the process, my methods and feelings are inseparable from the story.

I had this childhood friend. We had a group of friends, he had a long time girlfriend.
She was like the King Midas, except instead of gold she turned everything into shit. No one liked her. Except he himself. This dragged for quite a few years.

I hated that dumbass bitch, and led a scheme to remove her from our high school science fair project group. We had been in another project with her, and it was hell. So I had to step in and vanquished that demon because my bitch ass friends wouldnt do it on their own. Thank you superbased hyperchad Ryousen The Relentless, that was our best science fair and we achieved perfect score in our last chance.
She was unstable so that had quite an impact on her.

It was not exactly then, but that led to him banishing us and keeping the girlfriend.

Was a pretty fun guy. I rarely remember him in daily life, and pretty much never miss him. I also dont regret my course of action. He made a choice, I cant change that. Its just the kind of guy he was. Its okay. Of course I think that was highly unwise, like taking the obvious worst route in a VN, but it was also very genuine of him. All actions we do are very us. And though I have fond memories of the troupe playing Dota, we are in another era now. Its a whole new world. At the time, it was very important for all of us. Nowdays, we all grew, and have other other dilemmas, worries, objectives. It would be anachronistic to wish for a return to the old days, because we cannot devolve.

Yet Ive had uncountable dreams of making peace with him. Even exactly today. So often that is, that I have dreamed that I told him that I often dream about it, multiple times. I dont get it. Im not haunted by his specter, Im not afraid of him, or his ex, and I dont regret anything. So why? Why do my dreams show me that? My therapist proposed the hypothesis that it is guilt, that I killed that thing and I didnt need to. The reason he ended up in a complete dump lifestate was that I triggered a chain of events that would make him bet even further on the girl. in a way, it was all my fault. My pussy friends wouldve done nothing about her, she would keep making meetings shitty, killing projects, causing drama, he would still be around and hanging. No deaths. By attacking the evil I killed that which it leeched off of. He called us idiots, told us not to go after him, and left. And we did exactly that. He pulled the social suicide, left to another city with the girl, and it backfired immensely- She’s gone now. What does one do after this sequence of events? That has to be one of the worst possible routes. Lost everything. He’s attempted to slowly return to us. He has talked to everyone else, I think. Im the last one. I am the Bill of this story, and Beatrix was wrong. He friend requested me on steam. That was intense. Maybe I do fear him. But we didnt talk. I accepted, and none of us said anything. Im not anxious anymore. I dont really care what happens.
The solution to all partings is the thought that I cannot lose what Ive already lost, and I cannot recover what is impossible to recover.
Its my fault.
No regrets.